


Time can't stop even if the sun has set (but it can get better).

by hellskitchensmurdock



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Post-Season/Series 03, Pre-Season/Series 04, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 08:26:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14398173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellskitchensmurdock/pseuds/hellskitchensmurdock
Summary: Everything changed with the new Director and Fitz has a heavy feeling in his chest.





	Time can't stop even if the sun has set (but it can get better).

**Author's Note:**

> Just a warning it's kinda sad so there's that. Also, it's not edited brilliantly but I hope you all still enjoy anyways.

He let the tear roll down his cheek. There were none before it, and none after it. Just a single, lone tear rolling down his cheek as he watched the sunset from one of the only windows in the base. He sat on the floor, his head turned to watch the sky go from blue to orange, to black with every colour in between.

 

There was no sobs, no shaky breaths, no more tears. Just one, that had finished rolling down his left cheek. He didn’t lift his hands to wipe the trail it left behind, he didn’t make any attempts to move before someone saw him, alone, staring at the nearly finished sunset with a tear down his face.

 

A small part of him still expected Daisy to come up and hug him until he felt better. She would whisper to him that it was all okay, that she was here for him, that she wouldn’t leave again. The rest of him wanted to kill that small part. Daisy didn’t want their help, wouldn’t accept it if they offered. They all had terrible things happen to them and they never turned their backs.

 

Why did Daisy think she had the right to do that? Turn her back on those who loved her?

 

She was never coming back, and as much as Fitz knew he had to, he couldn’t accept it. Too many people had left him, or been taken away from him. He couldn’t let another person go. He knew he was selfish, that he wasn’t the centre of everything. He knew Daisy leaving affected other as well.

 

He had Jemma and Radcliffe. He shouldn’t be sitting alone, letting a tear track stay on his left cheek as the sun finished setting. He shouldn’t be letting his sadness get the best of him. But he did anyway, because was there any point to keeping it at bay?

 

Yes, getting emotional can compromise the job. But, today was his day off, so was there truly a point to keeping his chin up and shoulders back? To keep the tears off his face and sadness out of his eyes? If there was, he couldn’t see it.

 

So, Fitz kept sitting there. He had stopped looking out the window and instead was looking straight ahead at… It was too dark to see. No lights had been turned on in that area, which was strange. He was thankful for it. He wanted to welcome the darkness as if it was an old friend. He didn’t want to melt into it, disappear forever, but ever since he was a kid, he felt as if the dark could stop time.

 

It was as if time stopped passing when he sat in the dark. And that’s what he wanted. He wanted time to stop, let him sort through his thoughts and his emotions. But, time wasn’t something that was on his side, on anyone’s side. Time was a concept. So why did he still feel like it can be stopped, paused?

 

Maybe if time could be paused he could find answers to his questions. He could find a way stop himself from sinking into his sadness, getting trapped in his head and being surrounded by the thoughts. But time can’t stop. You can’t stop a concept from existing. If you could, some days Fitz would try anything to become one. A concept. 

 

Today wasn’t one of those days, yet. Today, he just wanted time to stop, because, to him, it was the only way he could find a way to feel okay again. He ignored the pit in his stomach he felt at that thought. Of feeling okay again. He ignored the sense of its abnormality and drummed his fingers on the floor beside him.

 

The pattern was uneven. Long pauses before trembling fingers tapped the floor at a fast pace. He couldn’t keep track of it, his head was too crowded with his thought of how he wished time could stop. Really stop. Not just feel like it.

 

Because he was older now. He had grown up. He wasn’t the naive child who believed time really could be stopped if you sat in the darkness long enough anymore. Too much had happened for him to believe things would be that easy. 

 

He felt a second tear. It rolled down his right cheek. This time he wiped his face, his eyes. He wasn’t a kid anymore, he should be okay. But something sat on his chest, made it heavy. Something telling him he wasn't. He wasn’t okay.

 

And the worst part? It may have felt heavy, but it also felt familiar. 

 

At this point, working for SHIELD seemed like a death sentence. He had seen so much betrayal and hurt and death and Fitz had no idea why he wasn’t grabbing Jemma’s hand and getting them out while they still could. 

 

Maybe it was because SHIELD was his life now. Maybe it was because he couldn’t bear the thought of letting down his friends. Maybe he wanted to be a part of saving the world from the next threat. Maybe it was all of that and more. Maybe it was none of that and there was no real reason to why he was staying.

 

He took a deep breath and rubbed his hands over his face, still not attempting to move. What was the point? He would just go down to his and Jemma’s room. Or maybe to Radcliffe’s. And he would paste a fake smile on and make sure his eyes seemed brighter than his soul felt and there wasn’t a point to that. Not today anyway.

 

He took another deep breath and tilted his head back. The lights were still off as he stared at the ceiling. He closed his eyes as he repeated his questions. About Daisy, about SHIELD, about him and about time and the darkness. He felt like he was drowning again.

 

He didn’t hear the footsteps. He didn’t hear his name being called. His thoughts were too loud. It wasn’t until there was a hand on his shoulder he felt as though Jemma had pulled him up to the surface again. But, instead of Jemma, it was Coulson.

“Didn’t know you were back, Sir.” Fitz tried for a smile. It wavered and fell almost as quickly as it appeared. He wiped his hands over his eyes. At this point, he wasn’t sure if he was trying to hide behind a mask or not. As he took his hands away to rest on his knee, he realised the lights had been turned on. 

 

He hadn’t noticed that before. Just like the footsteps. Just like his name.

 

“Just for tonight, then we have to head back out.” Coulson was leaning against the wall as well. He had his legs straight out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. “Wanted to see everyone before we spend another month in the air trying to find-”

 

His voice cracked. And a tear nearly sprung to Fitz’s eye. He nodded, telling Coulson he understood. It had been four months since Daisy had ran. Coulson and Mack hadn’t stopped searching for her since. They were never at base anymore, except for a couple of days at a time.

 

“Any closer?” Fitz turned to see Coulson staring down at his hands, which were more still than his own had been in a long time. He looked back at his own, shaking hands. He tapped his fingers on his knees. It was still uneven, but silent.

 

Coulson shrugged. “We’ve seen her, but she keeps getting away. She’s learned how to fly.” He paused for a moment. “Well, it’s more powered jumping but…”

 

Fitz couldn’t help the chuckle. “Of course she does.”

 

Coulson looked back up as he heard the bitterness in his voice. Well, more bittersweetness. He turned and looked out the window for the first time since the sun had finish setting. It was just… Dark. He couldn’t stop the chuckle because, of course, he would lay eyes on a physical representation of how he felt.

 

“Daisy never meant to hurt us.”

 

As Coulson was about to continue, Fitz turned back to him. “It doesn’t matter,” He almost yelled. He took a deep breath and looked straight ahead once again. “She still did.” This time, his voice was quieter, closer to a whisper than a yell.

 

“I know.” 

 

That’s all it took.

 

That’s all it took for a shaky breath. For a sob. For another tear.

 

He put his hand on his mouth, trying to stop himself from crying in front of Coulson, who at this point wasn’t just a former boss. He was someone Fitz looked up to. One of the few people Fitz never gave up on impressing. He was the closest Fitz had to a father.

 

“It’s okay.” 

 

Instantly, Coulson was by his side with an arm around his shoulder. His hand gripped him tight in the way Fitz always found comforting. He shook his head. “No, it’s not.” He breathing was short due to the sobs he tried to conceal. 

 

Then, he admitted something that had been on his mind since before the sun began to set.

 

“I’m not.”

 

“And that’s okay. Fitz, it’s okay to be angry, to be sad. It’s okay to miss her. It’s okay not to be okay.” Coulson whispered. It was everything Fitz needed to hear. A weight was lifted off his chest. Nothing was better, but his chest was lighter. He didn’t need his questions answered or time to stop.

 

“I feel… So alone. Daisy left, the Director split up the team and it’s all so different and…” Fitz took a deep breath before he let out another sob. He shook his head and shrugged. “After everything that’s happened I just… I just want everyone safe.”

 

“I get it, I do. And I’m sorry I can’t be here more often.” Coulson was still whispering.

 

He shook his head again. “Not your fault, Sir.”

 

“We will all be okay, Fitz. I know it might be hard to believe with us all split up, but we will be.” Coulson stood up after a moment and held his hand out. After wiping his eyes, Fitz accepted it. “Let’s go to the garage. Mack will want to see you.”

 

-

 

Over the next month, Fitz suspected Coulson spoke to the others as he was starting to see or hear from the more often. Jemma, who obviously had a chat with the Director, now had more similar hours to him. They didn’t always collide, but they were able to have lunch together a few times a week and actually spend time together at nights, with or without Radcliffe.

 

May came into the lab more regularly, whether it be for a question on some tech or just to chat on her break, she always came as often as she could. Sometimes, If it wasn’t classified, she would tell him about a mission. Though, Fitz suspected, he wasn’t getting all the details.

 

He would get regular calls from Coulson and Mack, who always updated him on their search for Daisy before he updated them on what was happening at the base. No matter how little or big, he would tell them. These calls were never long, as they were probably against protocol, but he was grateful for them.

 

A day after Coulson said he had come face-to-face with Daisy, but she got away, Fitz got a call from a private number. Assuming it was Mack or Coulson, who couldn’t video chat at the time, he answered it. It turned out to be Daisy.

 

_“You gotta promise not to track this,”_ was the first thing she said.

 

“I won’t, as long as I know you’re okay.” Fitz’s voice cracked on the last word.

 

_ “Coulson said you might be needed to know that.”  _

 

“Thank you.”

 

_ “Anything for my brother.” _

 

She made sure to call at the same time; Tuesday at 8:30 am and Friday 10:00 pm. They sometimes spoke for minutes, other times, especially on Friday’s, their conversations could go for hours.

 

And never once did he ever think about tracking the call.

 

The hours-long conversations usually lead to deep conversations about feelings before silence and then conversations of what if giraffes had short necks or _'what if koalas could get drunk?'_ He told her how, even though everyone was checking in and making sure he knew they were safe, he still felt terrified that one of them would die just like him. She told him how much she missed them, but felt she would only hurt them if she came back.

 

He told her how alone he felt sometimes. She told him she understood the feeling. She told him how sometimes her chest was heavy with not wanting to admit she wasn’t okay. He told her he understood the feeling. Talking to Daisy helped a lot. And he hoped it helped her too.

 

When the month was over, Fitz waited at the edge of the hanger for Coulson and Mack to arrive back home. He tapped his fingers in an even pattern on his leg as he waited for the Zephyr to land. He began to walk towards Coulson and Mack as he saw them come off the Zephyr.

 

As Coulson saw him, he told Mack to go ahead (or something similar, Fitz was too far away to hear), before walking towards him. 

 

Coulson clapped him on the shoulder and smiled. Fitz smiled back. It didn’t waver. It didn’t fade just as quickly as it appeared. “How have you been, Sir?”

 

“Haven’t gotten Daisy to come home yet, but I did see her. Asked her to somehow tell you she was safe.” Coulson tilted his head slightly. “Did she?”

 

Fitz nodded. “Along with everyone else.”

 

Coulson smiled again. So did Fitz.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Coulson grabbed his shoulder, in the comforting sort of way, before heading to his bunk to put his bag away. His smile widened as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and answered the call as he walked to the kitchen for breakfast.

 

“Hey, Daise, what have you been up to?”


End file.
